How to Be a Typical Tourist.

Essay by LegolasCollege, UndergraduateA+, April 2003

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How to Be a Typical Tourist

From southern Florida's sunny beaches to the chilly tundra of Alaska, in the outback of Australia or in the bustling streets of Paris, London, Chicago, Tokyo, and Chicago, tourists are a group of people seemingly unburdened by the cares of routine life. Perhaps you've seen tourists in your own town and have envied their informal, carefree way of life. You, too, can enjoy that relaxed lifestyle by following these few simple rules on your way to becoming a typical tourist.

First, in order to be a true tourist, you must dress like a tourist. Go ahead; dig out those loud, tacky shorts; brightly colored shirts; double-knit slacks; and flip-flop thong sandals. Add a touch of class with a pair of clip-on, flip-up sunglasses and the latest rage, a fluorescent-colored money belt. To personalize your touring wardrobe, consider packing tee shirts or caps that make a proud statement such as, "I visited the Henry Ford Museum in Dearborn, Michigan," "I cooled off in Barrow, Alaska," or "I hiked the Grand Canyon."

These shirts will impress people, and you won't need to tell them about the helicopter the rangers that had to call to haul you back out of the canyon.

Next, if you don't already own a camera, you will need to purchase one. A camera will become one of the most valuable tools in your glove compartment. After all, do you really expect your neighbors to believe that you actually saw the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile on Interstate 55 unless you have a snapshot to prove it? To be a typical tourist, it is not a requirement that you be an accomplished photographer, so any cheap, one-time use camera will serve nicely. In fact, quality is quite unimportant in tourist photographer. Don't bother to...